Juror’s Eye View: The Story Redacted

Once upon a time, there was a woman, who we will call Christy, with a boyfriend. The boyfriend, who we will call Carl, seemed like a pretty good boyfriend. He rented her a house and bought her a cellphone and visited regularly, all while continuing for the most part to live at home with his parents. Christy and Carl were prone to violent arguments and breakups. At some point, Carl started being more than a little scary to Christy. At some other point, Christy met Bob. Bob was a great guy too, even though he's a convicted criminal. Bob was more than willing to try to help intervene when Carl got scary and violent.

One day, Carl decided to borrow Christy's car. Bob tracked down Carl and made Carl give back the car, at the cost of getting chased around the gas station with Carl swinging a 15 inch little kid's aluminum baseball bat at him. Christy really liked Bob, but she still couldn't just leave Carl, the source of her house and cellphone! Until one night, when Carl accused Christy of seeing some other guy. . .that Bob fellow.

"It's over!" she said to Carl.

"I'm coming over right now!" Carl replied.

And then Christy dialed the police and Bob. The police ignored her, as she had called them out on domestic violence calls about Carl before and then recanted when they arrived. Bob, however, did not ignore her and rushed over with his buddy to go play knight on white charger (or pickup truck, in this case).

Meanwhile, back at Carl's house, Carl hops into his mom's SUV and drives over to Christy's house. But instead of parking at Christy's house, he decides that it would be better to park around the corner and walk down to impress her with his devotion, so that it would seem that he had walked all the way from his parent's house to hers. He starts to creep down the block, texting Christy on his cell phone. Until Bob and buddy spot him and give chase.

Carl bolts across the corner house's lawn, heading for his mom's SUV around the corner, but decides to cut through the corner house's yard. He hurls himself over a five and a half foot fence, losing a shoe and perhaps suffering some other damage as he does a tumble to the ground. He gets up to run again, only to discover he's lost his cell phone. He backtracks for his cell phone and that gives Bob enough time to hop the fence after him, corner him and start hitting him.

Inside, the homeowners, who we will call Mr. and Mrs. Fish, awaken to angry voices and the sound of bodies slamming into the side of their house. Mr. Fish yells for his wife to get the gun (they don't really have a gun) and grabs his pool cue. Outside, from the front door they hear voices pleading for them to not shoot, while at the back door, they hear enraged howling and pounding. Mr. Fish opens the front door while Mrs. Fish calls up the police. Even though they've been burglarized twice previously in the last year, the police decide to show up.

On the porch are two gentlemen, Bob and buddy, who claim they saw some guy trying to break into the Fish's house. Bob fought him off. With his bare hands he beat him bloody, Bob proclaims, proudly displaying his bloody fists to Mr. Fish. The police officer congratulates him on his fine work. Officer Clueless, Mr. Fish, Bob and buddy all go 'round to survey the damages. A slightly mangled fence, a broken window and a bunch of blood thrown liberally round greets them. Officer Clueless finds a little aluminum bat under the house. (Houses here are mostly up on blocks, so it's very easy for things to roll/get thrown underneath.) Officer Clueless gives the bat to Bob. Bob and buddy leave.

While all of this has been going on, Carl has been a busy guy. After failing to raise anyone at the Fish's back door with his pounding and screaming, he continues out of their yard back to his truck. He hops in his truck with the notion, he says, of driving to the hospital two blocks away. He is too dazed and confused to make it though, so he instead drives aimlessly around town for a while, texting his friends about what a chuff guy he is, beating off two guys with bats who attacked him. Then he drives back across town to his parents' house, gets cleaned up, calls the police to report the assault and has his dad take him to their usual hospital on yet another side of town.

CSI investigator snaps a few pics of the mess at the Fish's house, goes to the hospital and takes some badly exposed shots of Carl's wounds– mostly concentrating on the nasty inch and a half tear in his forehead, and calls the investigation a done deal.

Bob is picked up on assault charges. Carl is working on the details of his story in order to get a great settlement later in civil court. Christy has fled town. Officer Clueless can't remember the existence of a bat or giving it back to Bob, or whether Bob was a bloody mess from beating up Carl or not. Mr. and Mrs. Fish don't want to press charges and in fact don't want to be involved. Mr. Fish tries to avoid testifying, but the District Attorney manages to bully him into showing up for trial. Bob goes on trial for Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon for causing bodily injury to Carl with a baseball bat(felony) or Assault by baseball bat(misdemeanor).

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